Yoga means to yoke, to unite with God

"Yes, please, repeat after me 3 times: I will not smoking. I will not smoking. I will not smoking," Swamiji is adamant that no one smokes. "It is injurious to healthy."

I am lying in svavasana, the corspe pose, thinking 'I don't smoke. I should be repeating "don't breathe the air by the Techno Chai stand" Smoke? My lungs might be better off if I do while I'm here. I never took up the habit, even though I wanted to be Colette and I thought I should smoke and drink gallons of red wine, and write, write, write. Well I nearly set my bangs on fire that one time, didn't I. Then there's my allergy to tannen. I'm a disgrace to Italians everywhere, unable drink a glass of red wine without turning into a complete and absolute fool.'

"Yes, please, sit up. Bridge pose."

I put my hands behind me and raise my torso, thinking 'Wow, I wonder if my back is sore because this is my fourth day in a row of Yoga, or whether it's still sore from being hit by that doofus on the motorcycle. If I survive this trip, my dad is going to kill me when I get home. But I'm not a kid anymore, he's got to calm down. Worrying about him worrying about me, this is driving me crazy. I need to keep my wits about me, such as they are.'

"Please, stand up. Opposite this position, arms up, and forward bending."

I stand, raise my arms up, lower my hand to touch my toes, thinking 'I can't believe how stiff I am. A hot shower would really help. "Hot water all day long, madam" my tooshie. Dang, I really shouldn't have my knees bent here. Focus, straighten, focus, straighten. Am I holding my breath? What is my problem? Why is everyone else able to to this pose better than me, always?'

"Yes, please and sit down. Cow pose, please, good for prana."

I sit, bottom firmly planted on the ground and fold one knee over the other, both feet touching the ground by my hips, thinking 'There are so many cows here, it's incredible. I love this position on my right, left is sooooo much harder. I wonder what's up with that. Maybe it's the feminine/masculine thing again. The left side of the body, my feminine side, is way tighter. I think I need to work on forgiveness still. Think? I mean I know I need to work on it for my mother, for me. "Sure, forgive her but from far away," said that woman who spoke to Jesus, the one who would shut her eyes to hear his response. Man, or I should say Woman, I have issues.'

"Yes, please, twist."

I adjust legs, push one arm against my leg and turn to look behind me, thinking 'So far I appear to be excelling at the poses that are "best benefit for prostate". Right. Excelling is getting a bit euphemistic.'

"Yes, change sides"

Small adjustment, thinking 'I wonder what I should have for lunch today? I think I'll try that other internet place, it was so annoying to loose that whole post yesterday before I could save it. I should know better. Shoulda, coulda, woulda.'

Yes, please, now alternate breathing, 10 rounds, count same, same or one, two, two. Please start, new student following me."

I place my hands in a mudra and begin breathing in my left nostril, thinking 'One, two, well, okay, stuffed up on both sides, clearly I should be thinking I will not breathe by the chai stand. What's my count? Four? Right. Hold. Banda Lock. Exhale. Definitely stuffed up on both sides. Eww.'

"Yes, please, now stopping. Please, if can sit in lotus, please sit, if not, adjust. Your style choice for meditation, next few minutes."

I get into lotus, thinking 'I hope this doesn't last as long as yesterday, when my leg felt asleep and that's probably why my back is hurting. My back, my sides, I think even my big toe is hurting. I shoulda washed my hair yesterday when the sun was out. I wonder if I could get to the post office today? Where did Rich say it was? I would really like a chai but I should curb the caffeine intake, it's out of control. Om. Shanti, shanti, shanti.'

"Hari Om. Thank you. Seeing you later if want meditation, 6 to 7p.m., otherwise, seeing you tomorrow."

"Namaste, Swamiji," I say as I walk out the gate of the Yoga centre.

I thinking, 'What the heck just happened?'