The Sights and Sounds of Pushkar

As recorded by one Eufemia Fantetti, Esquire.

Seen: The T-shirt, on the guy searching for a rave to go to in this desert state, says "F*** OFF (image of a marijuana leaf) I HAVE GLAUCOMA"

Heard: Koreans going wild after returning from their Camel Safari in the area surrounding Pushkar. I keep being offered the fabulous opportunity for a Camel Safari, which Rich & I thought about doing, but in the end cost was prohibitive. And once you've been to the real deal, African Lion Safari (Canada's Original Safari Adventure!) in Cambridge, Ontario, you don't tend to get as excited as the Koreans. Come to think of it, I think some monkeys bared their teeth at me in Cambridge too. I have a memory, could be totally false, of my Dad saying "Don't upset you the monkey."

Seen: Painted Cows. Mostly, it was their horns; green, blue, orange, red. But on India Republic Day, there were several pinkish cows to be seen. I think they (the cows) were sad examples of the old "blue rinse" problem that attacks some of the heads of seniors bent on delaying the course of time on their hair. I think the cows were supposed to be red, but it was a "pink rinse" result. I would ask Rakesh if we could go "paint the town, I mean, cow red" but so far everyone's thinking I'm a nice girl. No knowing how that could go over. My reputation from Bihar has not followed me this far, only because I think it's taking awhile to develop the film on those incriminating photos.

Heard: "Helloooooo! Hell-low! Hell-o!" often said before the words 'chapatti, chocolate, chips-'. As in "Hello I want chapatti, you give me-". Really, they had me at Hellooo.

Seen: This morning, a small mosquito in my room. Pushkar's been uncharacteristically cold. I haven't seen a mosquito, heard a mosquito, or had a mosquito bite me in 2 weeks. Let's all stay calm. I mean, what's a desert mosquito got against me? (Why, dear Lord, why are there mosquitos in the desert? When you have a moment, I mean, it's a simple question, not like: What's the meaning of life?) There's no need to worry, right? And the Free Clinic is only a few feet away from the Hotel Om. I have a feeling this is my karma for laughing at that poor man's reaction yesterday. But you know, I was laughing on the inside. It's not like he could tell he was the cause of much mirth and merrymaking.

Heard: Distant but loud drumming and chanting. At one o'clock in the morning. It woke me up. The type of drumming and chanting that in the old black & white Tarzan movies would usually cause some poor old English bloke, lost in the jungle, to comment "The natives sound restless. We'd better hurry. This region has several cannibal tribes." Usually he says this while moping his brow with a white linen handkerchief, the same handkerchief the camera pans to and shows fallen on some rock or bush, just so you know the fate of such an insolent British chap, wearing his pith helmet at a ridiculously cocky angle.

So I sat up and read in my Lonely Planet guidebook "while India has more vegetarians than the rest of the world combined, it still has an extensive repertoire of carnivorous fare." Excuuuuuse me? Ah, no worries (tikka, tikka) unless you're a goat, lamb or chicken.

Hakuna matata. Or tikka tikka, if you really want to fit in here.