When Will I Learn?

Since I'm running out of time I'm posting the items I meant to edit and fancy up a bit more, so pardon my stream of bloggishness. I begin with an an excerpt of a conversation from my first days in Rishikesh:

Mia: Ap kaise hai? (How are you)

Sunil: You speak Hindi?

Mia: Nay..torah, torah (very little)

Sunil: Where from? Which Country?

Mia: Canada

Sunil: Are you married?

Mia: No

Sunil: Do you have a boyfriend?

Mia: Why?

Sunil: Why?

Mia: Why do you ask such a personal question?

Sunil: Can I have a kiss?

Mia: WHAT did you say? KYA, TUM PAGAL HO? (WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY?)

This could explain why I haven't really taken to Rishikesh, or technically Laxman Jhulla, at all.

Eight nights ago I had to crawl under the garage gate of my Hotel, Shiva Cottage, because Mahinder, who was already in his jimjammies of an undershirt and boxer style tight-fitting underwear, wasn't going to exert himself and raise the gate. I had 3 and 1/2 feet to manoeuvre.
He had the nerve to chastise me and point to the clock, and the sign saying the gate closes at 11 p.m. The hotel clock said 11:30p.m. Mine said 10:50 p.m.

Here's where you keep your eyes on the coconut with the rupee note under it because now comes the shuffling trick. This is another favourite of mine, how the hotel staff sets the time anywhere from 15 minutes to half an hour ahead so they can close the gate not at the time it says on the wall, but whenever they pretty much feel like calling it a day.

Four nights ago, I ran over to tell him "Don't lock me out" since I was watching Om Shanti Om (I love this movie, love it, love it, luuuuv it and can't wait to share it with yaz.) and at 2 hours and 46 minutes, and we didn't start until 9 p.m, well, I didn't want to be locked out, and as I pointed out to Mahinder "sleeping curled up next to that cow in the ditch."

So here's what happens, Mahinder, who by the way called me a liar in Hindi the day before yesterday (for no reason I can ascertain) to my face and got the shock of his day when I said "What? Me Liar, YOU LIAR!" in Hindi and then I added "you jerk" in English because I have avoided learning the really bad terms in Hindi for just such reasons. As you can see, my temperament has not exactly relaxed by 2 months of yoga and now being next to the spiritual flow of the Ganga.

As I was saying, Mahinder walks me back to the restaurant, which was totally unnecessary but clearly the young man has a chivalrous-let's-hope-everyone-thinks-I'm-sexing-this-lady-devil-may-care-attitude-about-it all. He sees I'm watching the movie with some friends. He says "okay you midnight after come, okay?" and then when I return I see he's left the gate 2 feet open, so I have to push my backpack through and then crawl under, head first. The next day I say "thank you so much for leaving the gate open for me."

What a peach.

There are days here when I wish I was talking martial arts classes, in a kind of "Yoga? fuggedaboutit-" way. Many days, in fact. It's on my mind especially now that I need to arrange getting to Delhi and being there for a few days on my own. Om Shanti indeed.

My new favourite saying, taken from Om Shanti Om of course: What the fish? This is said in English. Several times. You know what they mean, and so do I.

What the fish?!