My Bollywood Job Offer

Just kidding.

Back when I was trying to figure out a way to stay here forever because I love it so, which was also during my fantasy time as a Nobel-Peace-Prize-Winning-Fire-Juggler, I couldn't think of anything I could do.

The problem, as I see everywhere here, and the reason why sometimes you'll have a lot of fellas standing around watching an egg fry, is because there simply are not enough jobs for the population of one billion.

Today, I realised what job I should be offered - only it would necessitate moving to Mumbai and I'm not ready for that, but still, I should wait until the offer is made and see, I guess. I shudder to think the word is for agent in Hindi. Anyways, I'm not thinking actress, no, no, no, though a few of you probably knew that I harboured a secret dream of becoming a big Bollywood star and that why the Hindi lessons being a bust crushed me - but I should become a Bollywood movie copywriter. Seriously, they need me. (Arrogance is apparently a very helpful quality in copywriters, you need a big ego to survive in that ewww-dogs-eat-dog-doodoo world) Now that I'm on a bolly dvd collecting roll, and check this out:

AAJA NACHLE
Dia (Madhuri Dixit) She was the life of Shamli. And then she made one mistake - she fell in love. The town never forgave her and she never forgave the town. She made a new life, far away from her past. But now the man, who taught her how to dance and how to live, is no more. And he has left behind a job for her. She has to go back to the town...and teach it how to dance again. Radha (Dalai) Her mother may be born in Shamli, but Radha is so born in New York. She knows less Hindi than an Indian parrot and has more ideas on managing her mom's life than a shrink. The only problem is that Shamli is not in New York. And everybody except for Radha knows this. Doctor (Raghubir Yadav) Nobody knows what his real name is, but Ajanta's old caretaker wears a cap on his head and many hearts on his sleeve, all bleeding for the cause of theatre. He is Dia's

OH MY GOD! Do you love it? Do you really or are you just saying that? I have painstakingly written this out, word for word, and checked it twice to make sure it's exactly the way it's on the box. So, no period at the end of the last sentence He is Dia's, and it really says Radha is so born in New York. Caroline, I cannot wait to watch this with you. (Am I being pushy?) Okay, okay, one more, one more!

JAB WE MET
Industrialist Aditya (Shahid Kapur) Feels Defeated As The Girl He Loves Is Getting Married. He Drifts Out Of The Gathering, And Finds HImself On a Train, Speeding Away Into The Night. A Young Girl Geeta (Kareena Kampour), Who Is Leaving Mumbai To Elope With Her Boyfriend, Meets Aditya. She Irritates Him To The Point Of Leaving The Train. They Are Stranded On a Desolate Station, Without Luggage or Money. They Reach Ambala, Her House, Through Highs And Lows, Only To Be Mistaken As Lovers By The Family. Geet Then Plans To Run Away To Manali To Meet The Man Of Her Dreams. By Manali, He Has Begun To See Her In A Different Way. To Realize Later That Her Boyfriend Had Not Accepted Her. And She Was Missin. Her Family Traces Him To Get Her Back. It Is Up To Her To Tell Her Family The Truth. Only That She Realizes That The Misconception Was The Truth.. And

That one was way harder to type, cleeeear-ly. I KNOW - Ouch, it hurts to read and to type. Cath, we'll continue our chick-flick-in-times-of-distress-or-whenever-I-damn-well-feel-like-it tradition with this one, 'kay?

This is the last one and it's just an excerpt because it's so poorly done I can barely read it:

JODHAA AKBAR
Let's get one thing straight: You haven't watched anything so opulent, so magnificent like this in a long, long time on the Hindi screen. It's not just body beautiful, but there's soul as well.

This one everyone wants to see because it was banned in Rajasthan. It came out 3 months ago, so I think the DVD will be of a guy sitting in a crowded Mumbai theatre filming the movie, but at the cost equivalent of $4 for three movies - (My inner thoughts: I'm sorry, what did you say? Four dollars for 3 movies? My gosh, I should be giving this guy a set of Ginsu Steak Knives just to make this fair, but he doesn't eat steak.) - how could I pass this shop-opportunity up?

I'm trying to organise a Bollywood watching night like we had the other night, I wish you could all be here. I miss you and will be seeing y'all soon, which trust me, I'm so looking forward to, but I hope you'll forgive my staring-out-the-window-missing-India-sadness. Vaness, I know you'll be here in spirit and part of Bollywood Comes to Vancouver Night, possibly also known Blast Your Chakras Open With Om Shanti Om Night...

Yes, you're welcome to come over and watch these movies anytime it doesn't interfere with my roommate Caroline's schedule/my schedule AND you have 4 hours to spare, which should also answer part two of the question: No, you can't borrow them. I know, you would think living out of a backpack would make me less materialistic, but after purchasing the Eddie Izzard Dressed To Kill Comedy DVD 4 times now, and not being sure where the heck copy number 4 is, I think I can say I've learned my possessive lesson.

You can still ask, but like Christopher Durang pointed out in Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All For You, where he noted that people think God doesn't answer every prayer, that is simply not true. God does answer every prayer, it's just that sometimes the answer is No.