The Merchant of O

Perhaps you've heard of the book The Story of O, another example of how the French sometimes freak me out. Sometimes, they intimidate the heck out of me, with their innate fashion sense and good taste, a je ne sais quoi sensibility is all I can call it, while I struggle to look like I have aquired a sense of self. (By the way, I had no idea before coming here, but it turns out Northern India is mostly populated by the French and Israelis. And of course, some Indians.)

Admittedly, I often rely on my choice of hair products to get this message of Buddha-like bravado across, and if you ask me, it doesn't always transmit. There's only so much an Anti-Frizz Serum can do for a gal, and in a climate like the Wet Coast's, well that's an uphill battle. New title of my auto-biography: Me and Sisyphus, We're Like This. (The image on the book cover would be the middle finger wrapped around the index finger.)

There I go, off on a tangent again. I just wanted to share this Ad, 1/4 of a page size, from the back of the Times of India, a paper that appears to be a cross between a gossip magazine and crossword puzzle. Seriously, it's the weirdest newspaper I've ever read. I think it makes the National Enquirer look like The Herald Tribune. Enough said. The advertisement:

Merchants of Orgasm

India's Most Wanted Gigolos - Life of Lust and Luxury
The New G-Spots: Gigolos are the Playmates of Rich Urban Women.

in THIS WEEK: Journalism with a Human Touch*

*as opposed to what exactly? The touch of a monkey? They haven't exactly proven that a room full of monkeys can produce The Merchant of Venice, y'know? I imagine this magazine would be like the unwanted spawn of People Magazine marrying Time Magazine. It appears to take after it's mother.

I went to great lengths to copy down this ad copy while attempting to appear non-chalant. Because it really stood out as an ad, red background with white writing. I nearly said "What is with this wacked out stuff?" to the fellas at Funky Monkey but I thought it best I just keep a low profile about how this is freaky in a place where there's all this bizarre repression/expression of desire. I have no other way to describe it. This is India, land of arranged marriages, dowry murders, bramacharya, and the kama sutra. I don't know if it's something in the water, but then again, I'm still in the desert. I'm totally fascinated and completely confused.

Natasha (Poi Goddess Extraordinaire) said she's trying to normalise behaviour with men here, like hugging them in greeting, and helping to ensure they don't drool or overdo it when foreign woman walk by, she's attempting to show them how their abnormal behaviour freaks us out. I wish her luck on that mission.

I've heard stories, mind you, where a conversation appears to look like an engagement to the gentleman in question. Oh, right, I think I heard that story from Natasha too, about the young woman at her hotel who had to advise the staff not to let a certain man past reception, and how the man flipped out and struck a hotel staff member because he was keeping him from his 'girlfriend'. They had maybe two conversations, which I could have been as deep as "Which country are you from?" and "What is your name?" possibly while he followed her up the street. Hard to say. I know, now I'm just planting ideas of this story in your head, but if you were here, you wouldn't think it was that far-fetched at all. Kooky, yes, far-fetched, no.

Jessie's Mandarin phrasebook- hey, did I mention she's trained as a Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner & that I got an accupunture treatment with her? She was brilliant, and it was awesome. Sure, there was that moment when I opened my eyes and saw little needles sticking out of me. I closed them again jaldi, jaldi (quickly, quickly). There I go again...

Anyho- (Gosh, you know, you shouldn't let me go on like this, it's so rude of me, and a good friend would let me know I have a problem) Jessie's Madarin phrasebook had a section titled Romance, with translations for: Mmmmm... feels good and Will you go to bed with me?

Where's the romance you ask? Good question. I don't know why they didn't just call it the Sex Section. Or the Please Ladies, Be Act Like They Do in Hollywood Movies and Be Having Sex Here Please Okay?

I mean, real-lee. Gimme a break. See what happens when you arrange marriages? Ludicrous things happen. And I say that as the product of an arranged marriage, so, that should carry more weight shouldn't it? I'm not shoulding you, but I think you might want to answer the question. No pressure.

I'm (insert here)____________ than anyone else aren't I?

Insert Selection List:
1. more aware
2. more in tune with the Universe
3. more advanced in the spiritual evolution chain
4. a bigger smarty pants
5. more obsessed with hair products

So, yeah, I think that proves I know nothing what of I speak.

Oh, yes, Happy Valentine's Day. Romantic post huh?