The 32 Names of Durga

Fan Who Shall Remain Nameless: So it's come to this has it? Thanks Eufemia, thanks a lot. There I was reading your blog with a degree of regularity, and totally devoted to you, ready to start your fan club and what happens? You bloody well stopped writing, hey? You couldn't haul your sorry butt out of bed to blog. Thanks for nothing.

Eufemia: Uhm, no wait, you don't understand...The cow ate my blog.

Fan: Excuse me? What kind of lame excuse is that? Cows eat plastic bags, not computer parts.

Eufemia: Oh, well, yes, you've got me there, but that's only because there are no computer parts in the street. Hey, by the way, I saw a herd of cows (Okay, make that 4 cows. What makes a herd? How would a person raised in the 'burbs know that?) running downhill, down the main road past my Hotel this morning, with several cars and motorcyclists right behind them. I thought it was the funniest thing I've seen in a while. Turns out cows can burn rubber, who knew?

Fan: I don't care. Don't try to Ghee me up with paltry little anecdotes now.

Eufemia: You're right, you're so right. The thing is, what happened was, well, gosh, I had my birthday and I'm still trying to figure out how to post the pictures to show you all (it would help if I could remember step 1: bring camera to internet shop) but seriously that one posted photo was a fluke, we're not sure how I got it to work.

And then, Kelly blew into town with Vinay - yes, Kelly from Rikhia Peeth, Ashram Kelly, as the locals started calling her. Kelly and Vinay came in with the northwind from Rishikesh. So we hung out, drinking chai, eating veggie naans and drinking lassi's. Then Kelly asked Swamiji if we could chant at his place. Swamiji totally went for it and the next thing I know, I'm getting up at 6 a.m. instead of 6:30 so I can make it to chanting before Yoga. Then, after a too few, too short days, like possibly a week, where they managed to squeeze in visits to a nearby gypsy village and a camel safari, Kelly and Vinay were gone like the wind. And what does Swamiji decide? We will continue chanting. "Yes, please. Chanting good for power, good for energy. Good for mental."

Isn't that funny, that's exactly how I would describe I'm feeling, totally mental.

But here's something funny - I'm not sure if I mentioned how it came to pass that Jessie, Sarah, Mincho & I are going to extra yoga practice with Swamiji? We were all sitting at the German Bakery one morning after practice, the bakery with the best chocolate croissants and also the bakery where I just got a massage last week (yep, you heard that right) and I said "Do you guys want to practice in the afternoons as well?" and we started discussing where we could practice. The next morning, Swamiji tells us four to come for an afternoon practice with him. It's happened a few times that he seems to pull it out of the ether, something we discuss becomes the topic during the next day's yoga class. Sometimes I feel like he pulls it out of my head. I know, I know, it sounds wacky even to me but I have no other explanation.

So the next thing I know, I'm chanting the 32 names of Durga in India. This is a chant I have loved from the first time I heard it.

I know, that's not a good excuse for not blogging, but heck, I've had it with excuses. And you know what else? I don't need an excuse. And another thing, I'm just explaining the situation here, o-kay? Sheesh. Some people. Just in case you thought I was going to bed late, sleeping in and partying my bindi'd face off, it's not like that at all.

We've all commented on how nice it would be to have a night of going out to listen to music and maybe even sleep in the next day, but so far, no can do...I believe Jessie even referred our current situation as "feeling like such a Granny." And when we walked back from Yoga yesterday and she said "I need to get some prunes," (when what she really meant was dates) I thought 'Well that's it. We've crossed over. '

I say again, I know. This post does not inspire even the world's smallest violin to play out a sad, grief-soaked warble of a melody. Don't cry for me, Canada. I was only looking to set the record straight. Better you should hear it straight from the cow's mouth, yes? Yes, I be thinking so to myself.

My new favourite greeting: "Hello madam...Cobra?" (response: "Nay, NAY!") NO, I don't feel like seeing a charmed cobra, even though I've heard they're so polite. I walked past one sticking it's head out of a basket last week and thought 'Nice cobra, good cobra. Be a good cobra, go back in your basket.' (Jessie told me the snakes are de-fanged and the reason they move so languidly to the music the men play is because they spend all their time trapped in the basket, then when they come out all groggy, it looks like the snake is being charmed.)

And I leave you all with the English translation of the Rosary of the 32 Names of Durga - may all her blessings rain down upon you. Until I post again, adieu. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

1. The Reliever of Difficulties 2. Who puts Difficulties at Peace 3. Dispeller of Difficult Adversities 4. Who cuts down Difficulties 5. The Performer of Discipline to Expel Difficulties 6. The Destroyer of Difficultes 7. Who holds the whip to Difficulties 8. Who sends Difficulties to Rain 9. Who measures Difficulties 10. Who makes Difficulties Unconcious 11. Who Destroys the World of Difficult Thoughts 12. The Mother of Difficulties 13. The Perception of Difficulties 14. The Intrinsic Nature of the Soul of Difficulties 15. Who Searches through Difficulties 16. The Knowledge of Difficulties 17. The Extrication from Difficulties 18. The continued existance of Difficulties 19. Whose Meditation Remains Brilliant When in Difficulties 20. Who Deludes Difficulties. 21. Who resolves Difficulties 22. Who is the Intrinsic Nature of the Object of Difficulties 23. The Annihiliator of the Egotism of Difficulties 24. Bearer of the Weapon Against Difficulties 25. The Refinery of Difficulties 26. Who is Beyond Difficulties 27. This Present Difficulty 28. The Empress of Difficulties 29. Who is Terrible to Difficulties 30. The Lady of Difficulties 31. The Illuminator of Difficulties 32. Who Cuts off Difficulties